Back to Christine

Well, I feel I am ‘normalizing’ again, less crazy angry Christine and more of the ‘well, thats the way it is Christine’ who is making plans for the future.  I guess that will teach me to google and try to take command of my medical care by reading my medical records, now I know why they put it in such alien language.

Went to Church

That was pretty unusual for me, and a Greek Orthodox church to boot, not usual at all for this lapsed methodist.  The reason was to see a saint, called St. John, who is known for healing miracles.  He is buried at the church and you can just go to the church, put a little donation in the box, then enter into the main part of the church (which is on Geary Blvd.), the church itself looks large from outside but small and almost cozy inside.  The first miracle.  I felt very comfortable inside, stained glass to the right and left, lots of gilting, various podiums with stations on them, and a tower at the top, looking like a separate piece of architecture a high round tower with windows ramdomly attached (it seemed).  St. John was to the right as I entered in his own small shrine.  There were pews at the entrance and I sat in one, looking around trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing.  I saw a man lighting the candles around the church, another man was spreading incense as he walked around the church and the third was singing meditatively (I’m sure theres a correct word for it but I can’t get it off the top of my head).  It was extremely peaceful, but at that moment I didn’t feel entirely peaceful. 

So I feel comfortable enough now to go to see the saint.  Up I stand and walk over to the side of the room, walk up the little steps to pay my respects.  Some people kiss the floor but that doesn’t seem right for me to do, so I spoke some respectful words to St. John  – asking him if it was ok for me to approach him and ask for help.  It seemed I got the OK so I went closer, seeing the naked hands of the saint, embalmed, dark dark brown hands.  As I started asking for help (which I didn’t do out loud) I started crying – something I don’t do at the drop of a hat especially at my age.  I asked the saint for help and felt some kind of response.  Who would dare share these feelings, am I nuts to think a dead saint could heal me?  Or am I nuts to allow some doubt to enter and maybe spoil the process?  I don’t know, but this stuff all goes through my head, but mostly a feeling of being accepted and cared for went through me.  I stood there for  a few seconds, said “Thank you” to the saint and went back to the pews.

Once back I felt so relaxed and almost like I could testify to a miracle, even if he didn’t cure me he moved me in the style that a wonderful piece of music would ‘move’ me, changing my mood drastically.  I spent more time taking in the church and its cozy beauty, in fact I almost fell asleep (it was about 5 p.m.) sitting up!  Out of calmness, of course – not from boredom or tiredness.  A few minutes later I felt moved to go and see the saint again.   This time a smile glomed itself onto my face and I felt happy, who knows why?  I certainly felt that something happened and hope that the saint has been good to me.

Then to Home

After the second visit I left, talked with my friends brother, who turned me on to the saint after the saint had cured his sciatica.   I recall my aunt who was cured of an ongoing (for over ten years) back problem that the medical authorities had wanted to give her a body brace to help with.   It was a pretty bad back problem.  For a couple of years my aunt had been getting help doing housework and other stuff difficult with a bad back, from her neighbor.  The neighbor suggested one day to my aunt that my aunt visit her church’s faith healer.   My aunt wasn’t (and still isn’t) a woman of orthodox faith and yet two hours after visiting the faith healer, her pain went away – never to return!  And she still doesn’t go to church.  So, I see no problem with adding the saint to my list of possible cures for cancer.

I Got An Email From Dr. Slavin

There is was!!!!!  Gasp I said as I opened my hotmail account (before it started acting up) and there was the email from Dr. Slavin that I had been waiting for for several weeks.   Would he accept me?  I opened the email, to say I was nervous was just not good enough.  So, I open the email and start reading and the first paragraph he mentions that he needs more updated records, only having my PETscan from April of last year.   This pisses me somewhat as I went out of my way to give the people his address, phone number, fax number and email and they said that they would send the info along.  But, they also said they would send a copy to me and they never did.  So, I faxed off a copy of the radiologists report to the Dr. and will have to go by the oncologist’s office to get a copy of the CD that they put my PETScan on.   They did this before when I went to Daniel Dunphy in S.F., they said ‘no problem’ and then didn’t do it.  When they sent me to a physical therapist – they got the records out to them and that was just for my neck – why not send my records to actual doctors.  Nag nag nag, it just seems unjust and just not right and other things with just in.

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