Archive for May, 2008|Monthly archive page

Good News for Me – I Think

Well, Thursday came around and I was to meet with my nurse practitioner and afterwards my doctor. I was told that he would be talking about a new kind of chemo and perhaps pain management. So, I arrive at the oncologist and they have no record of an appointment for me. Well, it was last minute, it was only arranged yesterday I told them (they send me over to scheduling.) Scheduling thought it sounded suspicious and assured me that I wouldn’t see both my nurse and doctor. Well . . . So, I waited and waited and after about 30 minutes I was brought into one of the little cubicles they sit you in. Had my blood pressure taken: 100/60 sheesh a little low I think, but good enough to get me here. Temp is OK, oxigination is Ok, weight is lower at 143lbs.

Nice Surprize

So after all that I wait a little and along comes my nurse practitioner. She seems happy and says she doesn’t understand why they have called me in for a special appointment because the ct scan results are good (then why didn’t they give them to me sooner than 6 days after they were available?) Anyway, it seems there has been ‘growth’ but very very small so this is actually good. Maybe now it will slow to a halt, then reverse and just go away. I asked about the pain, which has been enduring, excruciating and frightening. My nurse thought that my pain wasn’t caused by my tumors (because the liver hasn’t pain receptors, which is strange as the doctor told me in February that my pains back then were probably from a tumor growing into a nerve ending in the liver.) I don’t want to argue so I didn’t, she then said that it actually could be gas, which can be incredibly painful, but for days on end? I guess with the damage to the colon and the whole system there it wouldn’t be too unlikely that I could end up having bad gas problems. Anyway, I took it under consideration, went out and celebrated with a dish I shouldn’t have had – orange sesame chicken. It tasted delicious but I threw it up when I got back home. Should know better than to eat meat, its funny but I’ve never liked meat and I have never craved it as much as I have going through some of this chemo.

KOWS Meeting

Saturday brought the next KOWS meeting, 11 a.m., it was a potluck, which means a trip to Safeway in my case, I really should learn to cook. There are three starter meetings, I guess we couldn’t agree on a date and chose three equally! Ha, that bodes interesting times at future meetings. I make it through two hours of the meeting with my stomach making comment after comment:  growl, whine, growl, growl, and then my ‘gas pains’ or whatever kicked in and I had to excuse myself, all doubled over tippy toeing out of there gently so I wouldn’t throw up inside. And, I made it most of the way up the driveway before the vomit came again, but safely on the gravel and around the rose bushes, I hope they (the roses) didn’t mind. Hope people don’t think I am rude for shuffling out so early (we were only about a quarter of the way through the agenda). There are some amazingly talented people at KOWS and I look forward to getting to know them. I really want to go to tomorrow’s meeting also, especially as Jeffrey Weisman is going to be there, it would be nice to see him. But I have an offer of a dog walking adventure out at the coast with Noel from KGGV and that sounds great.

KGGV and Beth’s Wonderful Offer

Beth (KGGV’s station manager) came by my home the other day and offered to set up a system for me, so that should I need help I can get it. I was amazed and it seems that many people have offered to help out and join a team which Beth is putting together, mostly people from KGGV and the Community Church. Beth wants me to reach people I know who would like to be part of this, I find this hard but I started off by asking Donna who works at Pat’s Restaurant, my breakfast dive, and has offered before to give me a ride should I need one to chemo. I asked Donna if she would like to be part of my team and she said yes with enthusiasm!! Well, that was easy but I am having trouble going forward from there. I have to learn how to do these things if I want to get better because I have to open my eyes to how wonderful life really is and can be, and meeting all the wonderful people who are willing to help me is bound to do that. This is exciting for me, I think there will be one big meeting with everyone next Thursday and after that there is a system set up and it all goes ‘automatically.’  I slept well that night and woke feeling wonderful and cared for.  What more could you ask for.


Going Back To Church And Coming Back To Health

Its Monday, Memorial Day, today. Yesterday I went to the Community Church for the first time, for several reasons. My medicine man suggested I join a church, the church has been praying for me for a year and I thought its time I acknowledged that. I got up and walked Simon on the beach, and along to Pat’s Restaurant where he gets his almost daily treats, I felt a bit better but it still hurt when I walked on an uneven surface, naturally enough. I went to Pat’s for breakfast, I had hardly eaten for three days so I needed something, ordered fruit and bagel, but couldn’t manage the bagel. Fortunately Peter from the station popped by and ate with me, updated me on ‘stuff going on’ I enjoyed the company.

Made it to Church

Well, thought I might feel just too feeble to make it to church, but actually I did OK. I walked to Church, well almost all the way, another radio DJ and church member stopped to give me a ride, meeting lots of angels on my journey. I got there a little early and talked with Beth and other people new to me. I was nervous but it was a sweet experience. There were hymns to sing that I didn’t know the tunes to, but it was fun singing, then a reading, then we stand up, move around and introduce ourselves around, then down in our seats for a talk and another reading. And at times the congregation would talk back. Well, I’m probably describing that wrongly, but anyway I enjoyed it and plan to go back. Afterwards there is food prepared, taken in turns by the congregation I understand (oops that means me someday!). I had a great time but left after lunch as I was starting to feel lightheaded. Beth dropped by to give me some flowers later, they are beautiful and sit in my living room as I type looking magnificent.

Feeling Better

This morning I felt a bit better, I had to take some meds last night as the pain woke me up and wouldn’t leave. But so far its 9:30 and no need for meds so I am grateful for that. Today I start the liver cleanse that goes with taking the oleander. The first few days are easy, I just drink a liter of apple juice in addition to my regular diet, there is epson salts later on – not as delicious but will cross that bridge later.

Got My CT Scan Results

Well, I went in on Wednesday, after drinking my chalky vanilla and chalky banana flavored drinks, I shouldn’t complain they certainly could taste worse, I hear the pina colada flavor is the best. Did my ct scan at 8 a.m. so that the fast wouldn’t bother me too much, and it didn’t. So I think I was out of there by 8:45 a.m. and off to home. But before I went home I stopped off at the Parkside Cafe for breakfast, I remember going there with Vidya recently and ordering something wonderful and healthy, but for the life of me couldn’t find it again on the menu so I ordered eggs, which I shouldn’t have, but they tasted great regardless.

And Then The Pains Came Back

Wednesday I started getting pains in my abdomen and pelvis again, so bad that I took my pain meds. At this time I had incredible constipation so I was loathe to do it (the pain meds make the constipation worse), but there is something in the convincing nature of pain that makes you act to stop it. Wednesday was mostly spent in bed, Thursday too . . .. Thursday it got so bad I reached for the morphine. Don’t know what it is about that morphine but I can’t get the dose right. It said to take 1.25 ml (very little amount) but that didn’t make any difference so I took about .75 ml more and that didn’t do anything either so I added another couple of 25 mls, no difference. At this point with the pain and fear I just lay there, David came around and put a heat pad on me that helped some, but I was confused about my meds and what I could take/mix between the Endocet and the Morphine. It was too late to call the doctors office.

I spent quite a bit of time crying too, not only because it hurt, but because this time it feels like the cancer has come back and I was so sure that the medicine man had ‘cured’ it, I know there was some effect from him but it seems the cancer is monstrous in its need to fight back.

Another of “Those” Phone Calls

So, Friday arrives and its time for me to go to chemo, but after two days in bed with awful pain I knew I wasn’t strong enough to cope with it so I called up the office, told them my situation, and asked if they could call with my ct scan results. A few hours later I got my call, OK not to do the chemo, but without going into any details the cancer has grown. This really gets to me, knowing that it was a ct scan rather than a pet scan too, where more detail is show, this growth must be quite noticeable.

I held myself together though and listened to the nurse tell me how they would schedule a visit with the doctor so he could go over the new results, give me another chemo option (please god no more chemo) and get another pain killer for me (they are talking patches now). When I hung up I cried. I guess this is good, so many times I have thought about my cancer and very seldom have I actually cried about my situation. But, where to now. I know I don’t want to do any more chemo, it is too brutal and it doesn’t work for me. I would love to go to Dr. Slavin but I am very far from having the money for this procedure.

Oleander Soup

Before getting my result from the ct scan I had already ordered some Oleander from Sutherland OPC It seemed reasonable in price, $45 Including shipping) for what normally would be a months supply but as I am further on it will be about $135 a month, very affordable (comparatively). I am to start a liver cleanse before starting the oleander.

Oleander is supposedly very effective in ‘curing’ HIV also, there is a clinical trial showing amazing effects, I will get it onto this site as this should be another tool in any cancer fighting package. Oleander has been around as a cancer ‘cure’ for about 5000 years, can be very toxic and there is certainly a way you can make your own oleander concoction but its complex and I would rather have someone else go through all that palaver. I mention that you can make your own concoction as at this point in my journey I have severe cynicism about buying pre-packaged expensive ‘miracle cures.’

Handwriting Analysis

Well, for fun I had noticed on a local bulletin board that there was a handwriting analyst who wanted people to write to her, she was preparing a book and wanted a variety of samples. I love attention and free analysis so I emailed her and she agreed to take me on. I was to list my issues in a letter to her. So I listed my inability to find a date over decades and she gave me some advice about changing my handwriting to change my ways (I give mixed signals by all accounts.) I also need to emotionally feed myself more (have more fun I think).

I thought her analysis was good but then she started to tell me about people she knew who had ‘cured’ themselves of cancer. This happens quite often to me, of course, its natural enough and doesn’t usually bother me. However, this time it practically made me angry, there was no asking me what I had done to help with the cancer only telling me ‘you have to follow this persons routine” you have to follow that persons routine, and I got angry with her. Didn’t help though, so I wrote down about six telephone numbers of people that I probably won’t call and I cried down the phone, she took that as a need for us to pray – she led the prayer asking God to send me people to guide me (like her I expect she meant). I expect I over reacted completely but in a way I’m glad I got angry at her, well I guess it made things more entertaining for us both.

Today its late Saturday, tomorrow I am planning (if no pain) to go to the Community church. This is a local church right next door to KGGV, they pray for me each week — Beth the station manager attends the church and Pam Tinnen the pastor works at KGGV also, in fact I heard Pam had wanted to counsel me but was unsure whether to approach me with this directly or not. For sure now I know I need some severe counseling, at this point death is a REAL option and after four days solid of pain I have to read the writing on the wall. Anyway, my medicine man told me that I needed to join a church also (for my emotional health) so I will try this out. I do hope I feel healthy enough to go. Beth also spoke about getting me organized with a system that will help me out with driving etc. I cried again, this is 100% what I need right now and I don’t know how or who to ask for help. Beth called before the handwriting analysis so it wasn’t as a result of that particular prayer, but she was certainly sent by some higher power.

Another Chemo Session

Well, have missed a couple of chemo sessions, which is my idea of a good thing. One I missed when I went to Southern California for a family reunion, the other when I went in the following week with a normal temperature but raging white blood cells, and a raw red throat – they sent me home with antibiotics saying I must be fighting something off, but this was a really good sign as its hard for a cancer patient at this stage to produce that high level of white blood cells.

Ct Scan In My Future

My Nurse Practitioner is setting up some ct scans for me to see whats happening inside. She mentions that if I tried to get a second PetScan within such a short amount of time it would be difficult – probably taking weeks just to get a response. Somehow I wonder how much detail the ct scan will show, but I am hopeful that things have improved since last time. Even though I have occasional twinges of pain its a manageable thing.

Medicine Man

Well, I still haven’t gotten to meet with my medicine man, but his life is in chaos at the moment. Of all my healers I think that I have appreciated his work the most, but I think I need another treatment or two. Plus I need a talking to about my attitude. I’m a pretty emotional person and anger has been in my life too much recently – I read somewhere that the CDC says that 85% of illness has an emotional cause – this I can believe. I have to manage this anger and cut it out. My medicine man suggested that I join a local church (or at least try it out) I wonder if this might be a way to help ‘manage’ my mind. Hey, I got that sky blue scarf yesterday, I went to Sebastopol and the first store I went into had this loverly sky blue shiny scarf (as prescribed by my medicine man), I went up to it and saw with disappointment that it cost $25, but as it was exactly what my mm prescribed I wanted to get it. However extracting it from the display it got caught on a wooden piece and the material was pulled. I asked the woman behind the counter if they had another one the same color, no she didn’t but she suggested I try another shop up the street (how nice!) so off I trot and am astounded at the price of silk scarfs and don’t find one I could afford which is sky blue. Then back to the first shop where they sold me the scarf at half price to compensate for the imperfection! Lucky me. Now I just have to find a Virgin Mary statute at a local Catholic church to work with, per my medicine man.

Another Chemo Session

Friday came and at one thirty I presented myself for my appointment. I felt comfortable with it this time, it has been two weeks since I last had a treatment and I felt strong enough to take it, though this Erbitux seems to be pretty easy to take. Had a short meeting with my Nurse Practitioner, my figures are all ‘great’ and my CEA is about 16 which is good because, if I recall, 6 is about top of normal. It was pretty boring, just sitting in the lazy boy chair for what ended up being 3-1/2 hours, but I didn’t vomit that night, I didn’t feel too bad at all and this is a wonderful thing, because I know how horrific the chemo can get.

A Good Article About The Budwig Diet

This is a great little site, giving good info for a cheap and honest diet to improve the immune system.

A Little More Hope

Well, yesterday was pretty much both up and down. I started off the day early by heaving the bad food I had consumed (a combination of teriyaki and ice cream), out of my system.  This went on for a while. Eventually I got some rest around 3 or so, got up at 6 to do the show at KGGV, took some anti-nausea drug – under the tongue – and walked to the station. After a few minutes in the studio I started to get nauseous again and heaved three times into the bushes outside of the studio. It was a toss up whether to stay and do the show or go home and go to bed. I chose to stay, I figured I was going to go for chemo a couple of hours later so I wouldn’t get too much extra rest, anyway I might as well enjoy myself while I can.

At The Clinic

I drove to the clinic, feeling shivery and cold and told them I didn’t feel so well. Of course, they take my vitals which were wonderful – my blood pressure, temperature etc. not a problem, it doesn’t look outwardly that I am sick. But, the Nurse Practitioner got the results of the blood pull they take every time I’m at the clinic and she told me that I must be fighting something off, because my white blood cell count was very high. This is an unusual sign in my situation and a very promising one. The Nurse Practitioner suggested too that it was time I got further checked to see how my body is, she told me that my blood count figures (all of them) were wonderful. Ct scans are being ordered as they thought that it was too soon after the last PetScan to order another one (that it would take weeks to get approved) so it looks like I have a couple of ct scans in my future, but I’m excited, I think that the work my medicine man has done on me has made such a difference that I will be able to see it on the scan. Anyway the best part at the time was that I was ‘excused’ from doing chemo that day (yeah!!), but thinking back of course the best part is that my body is acting like a healthy body!!

Back To My Medicine Man

I need to touch bases with my medicine man, I’ll call him in the next few days for another follow up. I worry that his dad may have died as he was close before, however I’m looking forward to telling him that my blood work looks so good.