I’m Still Out Here

Just in case anyone is left out there wondering (its been such a long time since I’ve written my blogg); I seem to have arisen from those slimy slumbers of morphine and am back in the land of the living.

.Its one in the morning here in Guerneville and it seems like months now I have been struggling with pain, losing mammoth amounts of weight and not having the energy to hold a coffee cup for a few moments. Sheeesh, people shouldn’t have to go through this. And you know what I don’t think I will anymore. As of today I feel I have reached a turning point where strength is concerned and I am ready to fight again.

Where Am I Anyway

Well, now I am part of the hospice service which is a curious thing (hospice I mean). It’s, to put it simply, based on accepting your passing and allowing them to medicate you so that the pain is controlled and life can be lived. For me its more a place to go to to rest from that terror that was chemo. Its a better system. I have one nurse, one social worker and also various aides who come to wash me, there is a chaplain available also and I was able to meet with him once already. I like this guy. I didn’t want any bullshit so I told him that the truth was that I wasn’t accepting my death, that I wanted to and was planning to live and wanted some counseling on that order rather than just tidying up my affairs. To my joy he seemed very very happy to hear this and expressed that it was a joyful decision as he was hearing it. Wow that was freeing, when he left he actually asked me whether he could research some other alternative healing techniques for me, well .. . could you ask for better than that?

Well I already had better than that anyway!

Yep, I sure had, listen to this. It got really hairy with my health, like I was really on the edge, days from death, many people spoke to me about this, how weak I looked. My parents had to be told and my brother John who is now living with me (yeah!!!!!!) did the deed. It shocked them and it was the last thing I wanted them to hear but it was getting late. John told them both that I was sick and also broached the subject of my smoking medical marijuana, I just never got the guts to tell them as . . . well, you know how that goes. But while I was trying to adjust to the correct morphine dose to control my pain I used both the morphine and medical marijuana to control the pain. The marijuana worked better, faster (like immediately) and I could stand up and walk around and communicate, on morphine – no way. The MM also helped with constipation, (sorry) and anxiety. It was apparent to my parents instantly that this was the better way. But they had already accepted my smoking it before seeing the affects and this is what I really love them for. Thanks mum and dad. This was so healing it was uncanny, it was the only secret I had and was such a joy to throw off. I am so happy. My sister Mary is also visiting me from Florida, sacrificing days off she hasnt even earned yet bless her and giving me six days away from her two dogs also. Thats love. Thank you Mary.

This is the cure for Cancer

The cure for cancer is love and support in big gobs. Let them sue me for saying it. Because I know my fabulous support system from Share the Care to Radio to Church to Family are responsible for this turnaround. You gotta eat good food too, no joke, seriously get into your refrigerator and get natural food in there for your own life’s sake.


2 comments so far

  1. Sheila Koren on

    Good to see you’re writing again and feeling stronger too. I can also well appreciate the relief of finally sharing your secret re MM with your parents. Also glad they understand…That’s it, I just wanted to say hi.

  2. Julie on


    Hi. My mom has leiomyosarcoma of the uterus and I am thinking about ordering the oleander and “cancer bush” treatment from Sutherladia OPC. It frightens me when I read the American Cancer Society site which scares one to death with news of all who have died from ingesting oleander. Did you try this product, did it help if so, and would you recommend it? If I am mistaken about the person who wrote the blog, sorry to disturb you. Your response is appreciated! Best of health to you!

    Julie Willford

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