Back Again

Well, I’ve missed my blogging, got too frustrating trying to deal with my dying keyboard, but I miss it too much. Coming towards the end of my treatments from my medicine man. Its been a long strange trip and I have really enjoyed it, he will start seeing me once a week now for a while. In the meantime he has given me many psychic surgeries, many healings, severed many contracts and alerted me to my problem of being the ‘laundry lady’ – I have to live a more balanced life essentially. He wants me to go to a catholic church and speak with Mother Mary, this is pretty alien to me, being Methodist to begin with and not sure I’m even affiliated there. However what he does “feels” right with me. Its a change from getting pills anyway and I feel I want to pursue this further. Meanwhile I am following his advice to use the Budwig Diet (cottage cheese and flax seed oil).

Prognosis

Medicine Man suggests that in a couple of months I ask for reduced chemo and hopefully will be in remission at that time. He didn’t promise anything but I am hopeful too.

Back to Chemo and My Medicine Man

Well, I’ve had two infusions now of the new chemo mix. Thankfully I seem to be tolerating it well so far, today I saw the acne that they warned me about, is starting on my chin and nose too. But, I’ve only thrown up once this week, thats wonderful. I’ve been drinking my Xango with the mangoneese and fruits, that might be making it easier too.

Wednesday on my last visit to the clinic I got angry again, the first week I was told that I would have a four hour infusion which turned into a five and a half hour infusion, I was pissed. Wednesday I went into the clinic for my one hour infusion, and guess what – all of a sudden my calendar is changed and they have decided that I get a three hour infusion each week. I was displeased but what can I do about it, they are so disorganized. So I sit down and start reading. Some time later I notice that this guy has come into the clinic to deliver some bananas, he does his quite often, but this time he brought someone with him, and it turned out to be Tommy Smothers, of the Smothers Brothers! He was so nice and did a routine with his yoyo that was amazing, his version of a Harley Davidson using the yo yo was something else. It almost made me glad that I stayed there longer. I would tell you more details but the “t” key is broken and it takes me forever to write. I’m cutting and pasting my “t”s now.

Medicine Man Works Well

I have to admit, this is working so much better than I expected. If I described it to you it would sound ridiculous, he does psychic surgery, speaks in tongues, looks into my past lives and more. But, every time I visit him I feel better and better, what more can I say. I will be seeing him for about ten days I think, three days on, one day off. My medicine man is a tax man too so he is hell of busy right now, but still squeezes me in at the end of his day. Bless Him. He tells me that I am paying off too much karma too soon and is trying to turn that around, breaking some contracts I have with people to help them (to my detriment). His talking about past lives is curiously comforting as I can hear here is no doubt in his mind about it. So, I won’t doubt either. He wants me to start using the Budwig diet as of tomorrow (cottage cheese and flax seed oil mix), so I will, because I believe in him and because it actually tases good as well. Darn its hard to type without my ts, so I will end short here.

A Few Days Later

First of all I want to get this website in todays blogg, before I hit the wrong key and delete it, http://www.lazarexfoundation.org/index.php, forget how I found it, I will edit to let you know, but it sounds interesting, I wrote them for more information.

I didn’t mean to stay away from my blogg so long, I really wanted to get back to blogging. But a friend’s brother died, the week after his aunt died, and even worse the brother was found destitute, dead out in the fields. He had always had a problem with alcohol, but I guess no more.

Anyway, I think I needed to be there. So I was. The father still alive to witness his son’s death by alcohol. How sad, how seemingly pointless, and how often this happens. I’d guess in almost every family is one or two like this. The brother was not even as old as I am, so I guess I should count myself lucky. It was a thoughtful time, what can you say to someone who has lost someone, that close, and in this way. It all sounded pretty trite, but I said it anyway. I know everyone did their best, and more than they should have had to.

With all the books I’ve been reading about death I thought I would have more help to offer, but nope. On the drive down I forgot to bring my pain kills and got sick, in Paso Robles I think it was. I hurled for about twenty minutes, I believe it was the snickers bar I ate. After that I just lay down for the rest of the night. I was out of it. Thats it thought, my body is now a temple and no more junk, it doesn’t even taste good.

So, that was that. On the drive back I stopped at Andy’s in Sebastapol and bought a whole bunch of organic nuts, dried fruit, chocolate flavored colostrum, and a little tuna salad mix, which was the most unhealthy thing I bought. Went home and put some of the tuna mix on my crackbread (don’t want much regular bread anymore just this which is way more fun to eat.) Then I mixed up the chocolate colostrum with an organic banana and ate it all.  It was the first thing that I ate today and it went down well. And its been down now for about 2 hours so I think I’m safe.  I feel great anyway, and its wonderful to be back in Guerneville where all is well.

In Support Home Sevices

At my last doctors visit I asked the nurse practitioner about getting a caretaker as I at least would be going to need someone to drive me to and from my chemo and stay around as I went through my reaction to it. Cook some food, try to force me to eat it, something like that, just around the times of the infusions. So I called them up and it must have been meant to be because it went as smoothly as silk, although the process itself will prove to be as slow as molasses.

So, I am to expect a call in two weeks about making an appointment so that they can see my space and then they make the final call on whether I get it or not. I can choose people I know to do the work, that sounded great, they pay $10.50 p.h., not so great but at least something. And, I think they cover up to 70 hours a month.

First In The Next Series of Chemo

Well, here it was, Tuesday and no ignoring it, as soon as I finished my show on KGGV I ran to my car and drove to Santa Rosa trying to tell myself that I was going for something that was good for me (maybe I will be able to do five radio shows instead of just four), but really was frightened, of the nausea that would rack me.

So, I go in, get my blood pulled and sat onto the recliner where I was hooked up and the run down of what was to come was started. Of course first was the pre-pre-meds, then the Erbitux which would take about two hours to drip into me, after the Erbitux was to come something grusome sounding Camptosar with 5FU-LV. Anyway I got nausea about a hour after it all started and threw up, but thankfully everyone got amble warning and no mess was caused. They have this little contraption they give you to hurl into, its a long blue accordian tube which you hold up to your mouth, it works really well. I felt better after that (as well as looking at my vomit and seeing it wasn’t at all black). And the rest of the hours passed by with the only incident being that I became pissed off because I was told the infusion would last 4 hours and instead it took 6-1/2 hours! I got most of the way through that book I mentioned before Initiation (by Elisabeth Haich) and I really like it, much about reincarnation and the nature of spirit. Good stuff to read at any time of your life, but especially for me now.

After Chemo How Will It Affect Me This Time?

I had been told during my 6-1/2 hour visit that the acne that I should expect is going to be a lot more drastic than I am expecting, and not to pop my pimples as they wouldn’t respond like regular pimples and I’ll make a miserable sight of my face. Well, this is going to be special. I drive the 45 minutes home with no problems, no real nausea, feeling comfortable. However I’ve been through this before and knew a sudden stream of vomit could arrive at any minute. I went looking for something to eat and settled on sweet and sour chicken over rice. Don’t know why, I shouldn’t be eating sweet dishes because Cancer loves sugar. Anyway made it through about two or three mouthfuls but couldn’t manage any more, so Simon got to enjoy it. I drank my Xango and made myself comfortable at home, I did take one anti-nausea pill and felt just fine all night long. In the morning I woke at 3 and took one anti-nausea pill, later I woke again at 6, took another anti-nausea pill and went off to do my show, which I enjoyed, perhaps because I felt so much better than I had feared. While I walked back from the station after the show I started feeling strong pains in my side so then I took a pain pill, but that is all and I feel normal, not nauseated and very happy about it.

My Visit To The White Medicine Man

Well, this doesn’t happen everyday, although I might wish it did, because I really enjoyed myself. Today I took the suggestion of a woman I met recently, called Saskia. Saskia rescues dogs, which is how I met her (well, by synchronocity I emailed her about a rental property over a year ago, but only met her in person recently.)

Saskia is a very special woman who has a lot to give and has no problem giving it (mainly to dogs, lucky dogs!). After finding out I had cancer Saskia has offered me many suggestions. One, a book called Initiation (enjoyable because it encompasses reincarnation a theory which is more and more attractive to me these days). Also Saskia told me about someone she knew, who was a financial consultant mainly, but who also did healings.

Well What Do I Have To Lose

Well, nothing at all I say at this point, so yesterday I called up the doctor and talked to him for a few minutes. He was about to leave town for a while so he squeezed me in today. So today at two I started on my journey to his Petaluma office which was indeed full of what looked like financial files all over the place – it reminded me of my life as a legal secretary and the lawyers I had worked for whose files managed to walk all over the office in order to find a space of their own, the whole room ends up being used as a filing area.

Anyway, he sat down with me and explained his history of how he got into healing, and why he only does it part time. He talked of his philosophy of how we all have contracts with our bodies, I may have one saying that I’m to leave this plane of existence in 2008/2009 he said, he was over the course of the treatment going to see if there was one with me and work to see if indeed I sincerely wanted to stay (he didn’t put it that way but it types quicker) and there was nothing disturbing (in his opinion) to leaving early as he believed in reincarnation (he says usually 10-15 years after death), he said that maybe I wanted to leave this plane because the world was going to be so hairy between 2008 and 2018, in that case it would be a wise decision. He said there were many prophesies that these times were not going to be pleasant. However I didn’t follow up on that so I have no tips to give you. But if the economy continues like this I can see lots of little problems coming for sure.

My Spirit Guides

He looked around me and said that I had a lot of spirit guides around me. He asked me for my mums name and description, he saw her there too, though she is alive. He said that he saw something in me that he hadn’t seen in another before which was that I was afraid of losing my parents so much that I had pacted with myself to die with them. This surprised me as my relationship with my parents is probably like yours, if not worse. However I am aware of the subconscious and the conscious minds and how easy it is to be out of touch so it could be quite likely. I shared my surprise with him, but just because it sounds unlikely I am certainly not going to ignore the idea.

Karma Balance

He had me lie on his futon and he listened to my body, he told me that I was trying to pay off my karma too fast (doing too much basically) and that it was killing me, literally, he also told me that CHRISTINE DOESN’T GET ENOUGH FUN, at first I waffled and almost disagreed but NO he was right, CHRISTINE DOESN’T GET ENOUGH FUN and we have to work on this. Well, I wasn’t going to argue with that. Maybe we should all say it together _______ DOESN’T GET ENOUGH FUN. Its sort of fun just to do that, say it loud and proud!

He then had me think of three people that I had helped, to my detriment, and we did a little ceremony to loosen the karmic agreements. His hands felt cold when he touched me, which was nice because my sickly body is all hot and needs cooling. He moved his hands about over my body and I could hear my intestines growling, my poor body, but it felt better – as if everything was loosening up a bit and feeling more comfortable.

There Was A Lot More To This

But hey, I was in the middle of it and not taking notes. However, I have decided to work further with my medicine man because I absolutely agree with his philosophy which I haven’t really described yet, but will tell you as things unfold. Also, I just felt better after seeing him. He made me promise to dance wildly for at least 10-15 mins per day, so that sounds doable, maybe we should all do it together. He also gave me a liquid drink called Xango, actually he didn’t give it to me, but sold it to me. Medicine man told me that he doesn’t add any markup and I loved him for that. You have no idea how creepy it is when people are trying to sell you something that ‘might help’ cure you, and they are doing this as a living, I am 600% more likely to believe someone when they say something works if they are not making any money out of it.

Back To Guerneville

So that was it, my visit to the Medicine Man. It was almost mundane, but not. I got in my car and drove back home, I felt better that was for sure. I had started hurting driving down to Petaluma in the two usual places in my pelvis, but now there was no pain there, my body just felt more relaxed all over, and in case that sounds like no big deal, my body is usually so tense that if I touch my torso it feels like something solid (and I’m not talking washboard abs) as if concrete has replaced all the air that usually resides in the torso. He asked me to call him around March 10 or so to see what our next step will be. I will be doing that my medicine man.

One More Thing to Be Grateful For

I shouldn’ t have waited until this far down it the blogg to tell you that shortly after I began my session with Medicine Man he told me that Saskia has paid for the session. You have no idea how surprised I was. I know Saskia is not rich, in fact she needs all the help she can get with her dog rescue mission. But, still I accepted the gift. I am constantly amazed at the kindness of strangers (if indeed they can be called that.) I am amazed that people help me this way, over and over. And I am grateful for it. Saskia you are one of my angels. Damn it now I have to live!

ANYONE WANNA DO SOME CRAZY DANCING?

Great Link

Read this this morning, and it resonated on so many levels. Its a great article and answers some of the questions I had yesterday (about Erbitux – what it does if it doesn’t prolong life and why doesn’t eradicating tumors do that).

However, it mentions at some point in this article that patients are unwilling to undertake clinical trials. In my personal experience many patients are willing, if not eager, to try out trials but each doctor, except one, that I have mentioned clinical trial to has poo pooed the idea and not helped me go any further into the process.

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/2004/03/22/365076/index.htm

Back to School

Well, Friday came around and time for my next ‘chemo teach’ session. This is my fourth – it wasn’t my favorite, though I’m not sure I remember the other three. I felt pretty awful that morning, I had done my show from 7-9 a.m. and immediately upon leaving the studio I threw up (notice my body waited until the show was over, radio really is therapy for me). The night before I had thrown up six times, but that was after I took the morphine. It seems that the pains are not going away as I thought, they are not there all the time but enough that it is interrupting my life. The morphine didn’t seem to have any additional effect to the Endocet, but maybe in time I will change my mind about that. Anyway, back to the meeting with the nurse.

I felt like ****, was cold and hot, like a 300-year-old woman (or thing), and pain was coming over me in waves. A nurse gave me a blanket to cover me while I was cold, then the nurse practitioner came in. So, most of the stuff had already been covered. But we had to cover the side effects, which in this case was acne, they even had photos of someones acne to show as an example. It didn’t look too bad, it actually made me laugh looking at it, I thought of people in a plastic surgeons office getting their pictures of perky breasts and younger faces and the oncologists patients getting pictures of bald and acned people, well I thought it was funny.

However its the nausea I have trouble with, it scares me throwing up when I live alone, I am more afraid of dying choking on my own vomit than dying of cancer. It seems some of the nausea drugs make me sick, but medical personnel tell me ‘no way.’ Anyway I look at the photos of the acne and ask the nurse if I can’t have a shorter infusion rather than the four hour one they have set up. “Oh, that so that the Erbitux can go in, it has to be put in slowly (like the Avastin I had last time), and in time that will be quicker – if you don’t react adversely to it”. Well, in that case I will not react adversely to it. Also she said something about seeing me every week. (Note to self, follow up on this.)

OK so I lose the bid to get a short infusion. I’m trying to take control of my health and ask all the right questions so the next one I ask is – (and this is difficult because you are sort of confronting the authority figures) – well I saw Erbitux’s own website and they said it doesn’t extend life, so whats the point, what will it do? Nurse was nice about it and said something I don’t recall clearly and also that it makes tumors smaller which makes people more comfortable but they don’t know if it prolongs life (this I don’t understand, if the tumors are getting smaller why wouldn’t that extend life, theres stuff I don’t know here). So, shrinking tumors sounded good enough to shut me up, mine hurts me so much now I will go through chemo to stop it! I would have asked more questions if I was feeling like a human being, but I feel pretty proud I at least got those questions and comments out, have to make sure I feel in control of all my health care.

Real Help

So, the last time I saw my doctor I asked him about caretakers and whether he had to sign off on getting one, as I know with Medicare/Medical someone is going to have to sign off on something. He said no and that that was something I had to take care of myself. Sheesh, that worried me, so I asked again – the nurse this time. And lucky me that the nurse has a developmentally delayed child who had to use In Home Support Services so she gave me their info. By all accounts Medical will pay for it (and hopefully my Medicare will as its paid for by Medical) and I choose the person I want to be my caretaker and they will get reimbursed at minimum wage. Well, its hope, so I am pleased. I hope not to need anyone for long but I can’t ignore my situation and its becoming apparent that I need help. So, Monday I will call In Home Support Services and see if I can’t make things better for myself.

Different Routine

My nurse practitioner suggested that I deal with the pain by taking one of my Endocet pills every three or four hours (rather than as needed). This I have done today and it seems to be a good thing. I took the dogs (I have one visiting a cattle dog called Meka) to the beach and threw the frisbee for thirty minutes (well, I thought it was thirty Meka would tell you that it was only three minutes, she can’t get enough). After frisbee we walked home through Main Street.

We walked past Pat’s Restaurant which is my favorite diner. They give Simon a bag of milk bones when he walks by on our morning walks (if he can get eye contract with the waitress that is.) This day I walked the dogs on by and I could see Donna (who is Simons biggest fan,) was there but didn’t know if she had seen Simon (I don’t always want him to stop, he has a weight problem and shouldn’t be eating so much) so I walked on by, Simon was pulling enough to leave marks on his neck, he was adamant about getting back to Pats! But, I’m the boss and on I go – it takes about two minutes to get Simon to walk straight rather than turned backwards, facing Pats, standing firm waiting for his treats. About a block and a half later I see someone I know and stop to talk to them, when at the same time I hear “simon” shouted and around the block comes Donna! She had run all that distance to give my guy his bones. This is one of the reasons I love Guerneville so much, the community is so open and loving. This is the small town I always dreamed existed. I know now that places like this are rare and I appreciate it so much for that. Life and people would be healthier if there was more community spirit out there, this I know for sure.

Clap Clap I Ate Healthily

After that I had to go back to Pats for breakfast. But help, their menu is full of delicious but not very healthy items?? But things were on my side because as I sat down I saw that the people next to me had ordered a fruitcup. I knew they Pats had one on their menu but didn’t think it was the season, so I had a fruitcup too. And, just because I felt so good, I also ordered poached eggs on toast, which comes with some more fruit. Being in pain is a good motivator to change your behavior. Maybe I should write a book about that.

Point is that I felt well enough to eat all that. This is the second time I have eaten in five days and the previous time I threw up shortly after. This time it has been down for about three hours and I feel fine, and healthy. So, regular painkillers it is until my tumor behaves itself.

Further On Well, What a Change

So, I didn’t expect it but today finds me on the path to my next chemotherapy. I guess it started on Saturday when I just felt, bad, stale, stayed in bed most of the day. I went out dancing at night, but couldn’t move much, might have been me, might have been the music – most probably me. However Sunday was horrific, I spent the night writhing in pain, I must have taken at least four of my painkillers before giving up. I was throwing up this thick greenish black stuff with coffee grinds in it (well, thats what it looked like and I got several chances to look up close). First thing Monday morning I called up and asked for a doctors appointment, sorry they said “the doctor is busy” you can’t see him until May (!!what!!). So I asked for an appointment with a nurse, who called me back first and actually got me an appointment with the doctor that day (see, its all a con).

Forward Into The Past

So I crawl into the oncologists office. At this point I have taken another couple of painkillers and these kicked in so I’m feeling vaguely human. Still, once in the office I start crying while talking with the doctor. He did explain some things for me. The pain, why it was so incredible – and was this the start of another stage of my cancer? This terrified me more than anything. The doctor told me that it hurt so much as one of the tumors in my liver would occasionally press against a nerve ending in the liver. Made sense to me. I asked the doctor how long he thought I had if I did nothing “months or years” was his rather vague answer, but it made me happy, even if death is in your future its a lot easier to face from a distance. Anyway, the pain had weakened me and when he broached the subject of chemotherapy I went for it. Now I wonder, the scheduler called today to schedule my first infusion which is due to last for four hours. God help me, and I mean that. At the tuition meeting I think I am going to ask the nurse if I can start at a shorter infusion and work my way up, I am definitely paranoid about chemo now. Before I left the doctor prescribed me some morphine for when I have periods like this again, hopefully not for a LONG LONG time.

More Radio More KOWS

So, my favorite therapy is radio, started off with my morning show on KGGV LP, reading stuff from the newspaper and playing big band stuff, nothing to complain about there, I had a bunch of fun. Then comes the afternoon and I am off again to KOWS for my Tuesday music show. The radio station is above a fabulous organic restaurant called Howards so I stopped by before the show and got myself a healthy juice (trying to eat right, all part of the program.)

I am trying to get better each show I do and I think this time I improved on my mic breaks. Kept myself comfortably in the green range and talked quietly. At the last staff meeting (also the first) I met Jeffrey Weissman, who is in a similar health position to myself and is soon to be a DJ on KOWS. Jeffrey is a ‘professional’ entertainer and has his own website, try it: http://www.jeffreyweissman.com should take you there. If it doesn’t let me know. Anyway I met Jeffrey at the meeting and picked his brains for advice about my mic breaks, I could tell that he didn’t really want to go there (I mean you never know how people are going to react to advice even if its solicited) but he suggested I move about less (mic not omnidirectional), don’t be afraid of a little silence, and one other thing that I forget! Anyway the point is I want to learn, I want to get better because I want to get somewhere. Or at least sound good while I’m trying. And Jeffrey, I don’t think I moved about too much while doing my mic breaks, thanks for the advice.

Dr. Slavin Works With Dr. Bozdeck

Or so I hope anyway. My oncologist said he was willing to work with Dr. Slavin, which made me happy and I’m sure Dr. Slavin would rather communicate with another doctor but sheesh this puts the procedure months into the future. Perhaps though that will give me the time I need to up my funds.

Basically All Is OK

OK, I admit it, most of the time I am pretty happy. Even though there are periods of pain for the most part I am a very lucky person, blessed with great acquaintances, friends, fabulous pets and wonderful music. A boyfriend might be nice, but there I go complaining again. Anyway while I am hacking away at this keyboard I might as well put out a request to the universe to supply me with some supportive, loving companionship to help me through these times.

From the Saint to the Spiritualist Church

Well, after visiting with St. John, there was more to experience. My friend Rob knew of this church he wanted me to visit, they did free Reiki healing and did psychic readings too. This sounded like fun and maybe someone from the other side could appear and give me the go ahead for some treatment that would definately work for me.

So, off we drive to Franklin and Clay and get there just a tad late, we rush in all flustered and sweaty while all around us are quiet meditating people. Rob directs me to this special healing room where about five people stand aside chairs, in the chairs sit people who need healing. I took one chair and enjoyed my session, it was relaxing and peaceful anyway.

After the healing we all went to the main room of the ‘church’ and listened to a story about tolerance, this was followed by the church business, and after that came the psychic readings.

Well, of course I hoped that I would be called, but it wasn’t to be. At one point it almost seemed so, they were talking about the African Savanna and British stuff, and I thought, well the British stuff matches, but then the woman behind me claimed it, even though she didn’t really have any meaningful connection to Africa. It seemed like that all around, I guess it wasn’t a day of great communications, everyone was told to de-stress and all the people called on were already known by the psychics (they would call them by their first names!) It just didn’t appear to be very valid, but perhaps I just arrived on the wrong day.

First KOWS Meeting

Well, at last – the first KOWS meeting happened. There were four of us DJs from KGGV there and about 15 other people who are starting shows. It was an interesting group and there is a lot of talent at the station. My day was made when a DJ came up to me and told me he used to listen to me on KUSF in San Francisco. Wow. During the meeting we all introduced ourselves, told about our programs and talked about some of the things we could do with the station, starting with announcing the April Fools Day Parade which is due to occur on the 5th of April. It is said that it is fun. Lets hope so.

Back to Christine

Well, I feel I am ‘normalizing’ again, less crazy angry Christine and more of the ‘well, thats the way it is Christine’ who is making plans for the future.  I guess that will teach me to google and try to take command of my medical care by reading my medical records, now I know why they put it in such alien language.

Went to Church

That was pretty unusual for me, and a Greek Orthodox church to boot, not usual at all for this lapsed methodist.  The reason was to see a saint, called St. John, who is known for healing miracles.  He is buried at the church and you can just go to the church, put a little donation in the box, then enter into the main part of the church (which is on Geary Blvd.), the church itself looks large from outside but small and almost cozy inside.  The first miracle.  I felt very comfortable inside, stained glass to the right and left, lots of gilting, various podiums with stations on them, and a tower at the top, looking like a separate piece of architecture a high round tower with windows ramdomly attached (it seemed).  St. John was to the right as I entered in his own small shrine.  There were pews at the entrance and I sat in one, looking around trying to figure out what I was supposed to be doing.  I saw a man lighting the candles around the church, another man was spreading incense as he walked around the church and the third was singing meditatively (I’m sure theres a correct word for it but I can’t get it off the top of my head).  It was extremely peaceful, but at that moment I didn’t feel entirely peaceful. 

So I feel comfortable enough now to go to see the saint.  Up I stand and walk over to the side of the room, walk up the little steps to pay my respects.  Some people kiss the floor but that doesn’t seem right for me to do, so I spoke some respectful words to St. John  – asking him if it was ok for me to approach him and ask for help.  It seemed I got the OK so I went closer, seeing the naked hands of the saint, embalmed, dark dark brown hands.  As I started asking for help (which I didn’t do out loud) I started crying – something I don’t do at the drop of a hat especially at my age.  I asked the saint for help and felt some kind of response.  Who would dare share these feelings, am I nuts to think a dead saint could heal me?  Or am I nuts to allow some doubt to enter and maybe spoil the process?  I don’t know, but this stuff all goes through my head, but mostly a feeling of being accepted and cared for went through me.  I stood there for  a few seconds, said “Thank you” to the saint and went back to the pews.

Once back I felt so relaxed and almost like I could testify to a miracle, even if he didn’t cure me he moved me in the style that a wonderful piece of music would ‘move’ me, changing my mood drastically.  I spent more time taking in the church and its cozy beauty, in fact I almost fell asleep (it was about 5 p.m.) sitting up!  Out of calmness, of course – not from boredom or tiredness.  A few minutes later I felt moved to go and see the saint again.   This time a smile glomed itself onto my face and I felt happy, who knows why?  I certainly felt that something happened and hope that the saint has been good to me.

Then to Home

After the second visit I left, talked with my friends brother, who turned me on to the saint after the saint had cured his sciatica.   I recall my aunt who was cured of an ongoing (for over ten years) back problem that the medical authorities had wanted to give her a body brace to help with.   It was a pretty bad back problem.  For a couple of years my aunt had been getting help doing housework and other stuff difficult with a bad back, from her neighbor.  The neighbor suggested one day to my aunt that my aunt visit her church’s faith healer.   My aunt wasn’t (and still isn’t) a woman of orthodox faith and yet two hours after visiting the faith healer, her pain went away – never to return!  And she still doesn’t go to church.  So, I see no problem with adding the saint to my list of possible cures for cancer.

I Got An Email From Dr. Slavin

There is was!!!!!  Gasp I said as I opened my hotmail account (before it started acting up) and there was the email from Dr. Slavin that I had been waiting for for several weeks.   Would he accept me?  I opened the email, to say I was nervous was just not good enough.  So, I open the email and start reading and the first paragraph he mentions that he needs more updated records, only having my PETscan from April of last year.   This pisses me somewhat as I went out of my way to give the people his address, phone number, fax number and email and they said that they would send the info along.  But, they also said they would send a copy to me and they never did.  So, I faxed off a copy of the radiologists report to the Dr. and will have to go by the oncologist’s office to get a copy of the CD that they put my PETScan on.   They did this before when I went to Daniel Dunphy in S.F., they said ‘no problem’ and then didn’t do it.  When they sent me to a physical therapist – they got the records out to them and that was just for my neck – why not send my records to actual doctors.  Nag nag nag, it just seems unjust and just not right and other things with just in.