Archive for the ‘KGGV’ Tag

That Darned Pain

Well, it seems like the pain might be toning down a bit, but I’m not sure. Today I took about four droppers full of morphine, and still I felt twinges. I wanted to go to the Strawberry Festival that KGGV put on today, its a major event for us and I didn’t even volunteer to help prepare (because I’m feeling sick so much of the time these days) I got up and took a quick walk with Simon this morning. He made the walk short himself, he just turned around and pulled me back home. ‘

I lay around with the computer for a while, around noon I thought I was ready to go to the festival so I walked on down, I made it about a block, I had to lean against the library to compose myself I was in such pain. So I put it off for a while, went back home, lay down, then did some more morphine which did the trick as far as giving me the confidence that I could make it to the festival.

The Strawberry Festival

There was a live broadcast going on which sounded great, very good recordings to whomever set that up. Blues Daddys, Thugz, Peggy Day and the Gypsy Nights, Midnight Ramblers, KGGV All Stars and a trio who were incredibly good and in fact a sextet from someone’s description Greg Hessler I think. And an accordionist who played between sets and was a blast. I made it there at around 4 thirty I think. I shuffled over to the chocolate fountain looking at it lovingly but remembering the mantra “cancer loves sugar” well, that took care of most of the food, but I grabbed myself a few sticks of strawberry kabobs and ate them unadulterated which was fabulous, all organic too, the local health store Food for Humans donated all the strawberrys – thank you Food for Humans. Everyone looked to be having the greatest time, including me even though I did feel twice removed because of the morphine I expect. Got a photo from the Ranger of me holding the reins of some fleeing horses in our Wild West flashback photo stand. I will treasure that.

I spoke to Hunter while I was there. Hunter hosts a show at KGGV about dealing with aids, excellent show. Hunter and I talked about the Mr. Leather contest he attended in Chicago. He came in 23rd in the WORLD. Hunter is 63 but they had the audacity to ask him whether he had a problem communicating with the youngsters out there. What a strange question and it says a lot about the guy asking it. I’m quite sure that Hunter could have spoken to the youngest contestant there about leather alone for 40 mins no problem. Anyway YAY to you Hunter and for speaking out for all 63 y.o.s (how ancient). Spent some time with Robert also at the festival, we talked about the meeting coming up for me – the meeting will be on Monday evening and everyone that wants to be part of the organization to support me who can be there will be there. Robert was telling me that physically he can’t make it, but reassuring me that he will be part of the group. Definitely Robert has been the person in Guerneville that I have been calling when I want someone to do things with. Thanks Robert.

Pain

There it is again, thats how it is with me too . . . sometimes nothing then ouch ouch ouch, sometimes I scream what the heck, stop it stop it stop it. And then it goes away. Or I hope it does, sometimes it stays around for hours on end. It seems like weeks now that I have been dealing with this pain and I don’t like that. I doesn’t sound like gas to me but might be some digestive upset. I was going to ask my doctors about it but I slept through my chemo appointment on Friday (I lay down around ten fortyfive a.m. and woke up around five in the evening) It seems that any day after taking the morphine I am sleepy all the time. I don’t like this as its not healthy but I can’t move around with this pain anyway. I think on Monday I should go to my local general doctor and see if I can get a test for a urinary tract infection or something that might explain whats going on in my insides.

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In Support Home Sevices

At my last doctors visit I asked the nurse practitioner about getting a caretaker as I at least would be going to need someone to drive me to and from my chemo and stay around as I went through my reaction to it. Cook some food, try to force me to eat it, something like that, just around the times of the infusions. So I called them up and it must have been meant to be because it went as smoothly as silk, although the process itself will prove to be as slow as molasses.

So, I am to expect a call in two weeks about making an appointment so that they can see my space and then they make the final call on whether I get it or not. I can choose people I know to do the work, that sounded great, they pay $10.50 p.h., not so great but at least something. And, I think they cover up to 70 hours a month.

First In The Next Series of Chemo

Well, here it was, Tuesday and no ignoring it, as soon as I finished my show on KGGV I ran to my car and drove to Santa Rosa trying to tell myself that I was going for something that was good for me (maybe I will be able to do five radio shows instead of just four), but really was frightened, of the nausea that would rack me.

So, I go in, get my blood pulled and sat onto the recliner where I was hooked up and the run down of what was to come was started. Of course first was the pre-pre-meds, then the Erbitux which would take about two hours to drip into me, after the Erbitux was to come something grusome sounding Camptosar with 5FU-LV. Anyway I got nausea about a hour after it all started and threw up, but thankfully everyone got amble warning and no mess was caused. They have this little contraption they give you to hurl into, its a long blue accordian tube which you hold up to your mouth, it works really well. I felt better after that (as well as looking at my vomit and seeing it wasn’t at all black). And the rest of the hours passed by with the only incident being that I became pissed off because I was told the infusion would last 4 hours and instead it took 6-1/2 hours! I got most of the way through that book I mentioned before Initiation (by Elisabeth Haich) and I really like it, much about reincarnation and the nature of spirit. Good stuff to read at any time of your life, but especially for me now.

After Chemo How Will It Affect Me This Time?

I had been told during my 6-1/2 hour visit that the acne that I should expect is going to be a lot more drastic than I am expecting, and not to pop my pimples as they wouldn’t respond like regular pimples and I’ll make a miserable sight of my face. Well, this is going to be special. I drive the 45 minutes home with no problems, no real nausea, feeling comfortable. However I’ve been through this before and knew a sudden stream of vomit could arrive at any minute. I went looking for something to eat and settled on sweet and sour chicken over rice. Don’t know why, I shouldn’t be eating sweet dishes because Cancer loves sugar. Anyway made it through about two or three mouthfuls but couldn’t manage any more, so Simon got to enjoy it. I drank my Xango and made myself comfortable at home, I did take one anti-nausea pill and felt just fine all night long. In the morning I woke at 3 and took one anti-nausea pill, later I woke again at 6, took another anti-nausea pill and went off to do my show, which I enjoyed, perhaps because I felt so much better than I had feared. While I walked back from the station after the show I started feeling strong pains in my side so then I took a pain pill, but that is all and I feel normal, not nauseated and very happy about it.

Further On Well, What a Change

So, I didn’t expect it but today finds me on the path to my next chemotherapy. I guess it started on Saturday when I just felt, bad, stale, stayed in bed most of the day. I went out dancing at night, but couldn’t move much, might have been me, might have been the music – most probably me. However Sunday was horrific, I spent the night writhing in pain, I must have taken at least four of my painkillers before giving up. I was throwing up this thick greenish black stuff with coffee grinds in it (well, thats what it looked like and I got several chances to look up close). First thing Monday morning I called up and asked for a doctors appointment, sorry they said “the doctor is busy” you can’t see him until May (!!what!!). So I asked for an appointment with a nurse, who called me back first and actually got me an appointment with the doctor that day (see, its all a con).

Forward Into The Past

So I crawl into the oncologists office. At this point I have taken another couple of painkillers and these kicked in so I’m feeling vaguely human. Still, once in the office I start crying while talking with the doctor. He did explain some things for me. The pain, why it was so incredible – and was this the start of another stage of my cancer? This terrified me more than anything. The doctor told me that it hurt so much as one of the tumors in my liver would occasionally press against a nerve ending in the liver. Made sense to me. I asked the doctor how long he thought I had if I did nothing “months or years” was his rather vague answer, but it made me happy, even if death is in your future its a lot easier to face from a distance. Anyway, the pain had weakened me and when he broached the subject of chemotherapy I went for it. Now I wonder, the scheduler called today to schedule my first infusion which is due to last for four hours. God help me, and I mean that. At the tuition meeting I think I am going to ask the nurse if I can start at a shorter infusion and work my way up, I am definitely paranoid about chemo now. Before I left the doctor prescribed me some morphine for when I have periods like this again, hopefully not for a LONG LONG time.

More Radio More KOWS

So, my favorite therapy is radio, started off with my morning show on KGGV LP, reading stuff from the newspaper and playing big band stuff, nothing to complain about there, I had a bunch of fun. Then comes the afternoon and I am off again to KOWS for my Tuesday music show. The radio station is above a fabulous organic restaurant called Howards so I stopped by before the show and got myself a healthy juice (trying to eat right, all part of the program.)

I am trying to get better each show I do and I think this time I improved on my mic breaks. Kept myself comfortably in the green range and talked quietly. At the last staff meeting (also the first) I met Jeffrey Weissman, who is in a similar health position to myself and is soon to be a DJ on KOWS. Jeffrey is a ‘professional’ entertainer and has his own website, try it: http://www.jeffreyweissman.com should take you there. If it doesn’t let me know. Anyway I met Jeffrey at the meeting and picked his brains for advice about my mic breaks, I could tell that he didn’t really want to go there (I mean you never know how people are going to react to advice even if its solicited) but he suggested I move about less (mic not omnidirectional), don’t be afraid of a little silence, and one other thing that I forget! Anyway the point is I want to learn, I want to get better because I want to get somewhere. Or at least sound good while I’m trying. And Jeffrey, I don’t think I moved about too much while doing my mic breaks, thanks for the advice.

Dr. Slavin Works With Dr. Bozdeck

Or so I hope anyway. My oncologist said he was willing to work with Dr. Slavin, which made me happy and I’m sure Dr. Slavin would rather communicate with another doctor but sheesh this puts the procedure months into the future. Perhaps though that will give me the time I need to up my funds.

Basically All Is OK

OK, I admit it, most of the time I am pretty happy. Even though there are periods of pain for the most part I am a very lucky person, blessed with great acquaintances, friends, fabulous pets and wonderful music. A boyfriend might be nice, but there I go complaining again. Anyway while I am hacking away at this keyboard I might as well put out a request to the universe to supply me with some supportive, loving companionship to help me through these times.

Onward I go

Well, I swallowed my pride and called in the doctors office to get some pain meds.   It was pretty easy, just left a message with the nurse practitioners and they called back, asked how things were and voila a prescription from the Doctor!  And boy did I need it.  Because it was a narcotic I had to drive an hour to the office to pick it up (they suggested mailing it, can you imagine waiting four or five days for your pain meds, sheesh!).  

The drug is Endocet and works well, mostly, but I worry now that I will be on painkillers all the time.   Usually I wait until the pain arrives before taking meds but this time the pain is just too enduring to do that and when I don’t take the meds I can feel the pains coming back.  Its very frightening.

Talk It Out

I guess I should have asked the nurse what this pain means, whether it could go away, and how soon might it get worse.    I suppose I am afraid to ask, when I have these pains I feel that I must only have a short while left to live. 

Oh well, wrote to my PD at KGGV and asked him to let me know if I sounded like I was on drugs on the air.  Have to have some dignity!

Dr. Slavin wrote back

Well, I still don’t have a prognosis on whether Dr. Slavin will take me on or not, but I wrote to him again today because I haven’t heard from him for two weeks, and he emailed back to say that he would get the answer to me (via his secretary) early next week.  Hopefully I can stave off paranoia till the email arrives.  I am so excited, so nervous.  And, believe it or not I have about a third of the amount of money I will need to get treatment by the Doctor, thats a miracle in itself!