Got My CT Scan Results

Well, I went in on Wednesday, after drinking my chalky vanilla and chalky banana flavored drinks, I shouldn’t complain they certainly could taste worse, I hear the pina colada flavor is the best. Did my ct scan at 8 a.m. so that the fast wouldn’t bother me too much, and it didn’t. So I think I was out of there by 8:45 a.m. and off to home. But before I went home I stopped off at the Parkside Cafe for breakfast, I remember going there with Vidya recently and ordering something wonderful and healthy, but for the life of me couldn’t find it again on the menu so I ordered eggs, which I shouldn’t have, but they tasted great regardless.

And Then The Pains Came Back

Wednesday I started getting pains in my abdomen and pelvis again, so bad that I took my pain meds. At this time I had incredible constipation so I was loathe to do it (the pain meds make the constipation worse), but there is something in the convincing nature of pain that makes you act to stop it. Wednesday was mostly spent in bed, Thursday too . . .. Thursday it got so bad I reached for the morphine. Don’t know what it is about that morphine but I can’t get the dose right. It said to take 1.25 ml (very little amount) but that didn’t make any difference so I took about .75 ml more and that didn’t do anything either so I added another couple of 25 mls, no difference. At this point with the pain and fear I just lay there, David came around and put a heat pad on me that helped some, but I was confused about my meds and what I could take/mix between the Endocet and the Morphine. It was too late to call the doctors office.

I spent quite a bit of time crying too, not only because it hurt, but because this time it feels like the cancer has come back and I was so sure that the medicine man had ‘cured’ it, I know there was some effect from him but it seems the cancer is monstrous in its need to fight back.

Another of “Those” Phone Calls

So, Friday arrives and its time for me to go to chemo, but after two days in bed with awful pain I knew I wasn’t strong enough to cope with it so I called up the office, told them my situation, and asked if they could call with my ct scan results. A few hours later I got my call, OK not to do the chemo, but without going into any details the cancer has grown. This really gets to me, knowing that it was a ct scan rather than a pet scan too, where more detail is show, this growth must be quite noticeable.

I held myself together though and listened to the nurse tell me how they would schedule a visit with the doctor so he could go over the new results, give me another chemo option (please god no more chemo) and get another pain killer for me (they are talking patches now). When I hung up I cried. I guess this is good, so many times I have thought about my cancer and very seldom have I actually cried about my situation. But, where to now. I know I don’t want to do any more chemo, it is too brutal and it doesn’t work for me. I would love to go to Dr. Slavin but I am very far from having the money for this procedure.

Oleander Soup

Before getting my result from the ct scan I had already ordered some Oleander from Sutherland OPC http://www.sutherlandiaopc.com. It seemed reasonable in price, $45 Including shipping) for what normally would be a months supply but as I am further on it will be about $135 a month, very affordable (comparatively). I am to start a liver cleanse before starting the oleander.

Oleander is supposedly very effective in ‘curing’ HIV also, there is a clinical trial showing amazing effects, I will get it onto this site as this should be another tool in any cancer fighting package. Oleander has been around as a cancer ‘cure’ for about 5000 years, can be very toxic and there is certainly a way you can make your own oleander concoction but its complex and I would rather have someone else go through all that palaver. I mention that you can make your own concoction as at this point in my journey I have severe cynicism about buying pre-packaged expensive ‘miracle cures.’

Handwriting Analysis

Well, for fun I had noticed on a local bulletin board that there was a handwriting analyst who wanted people to write to her, she was preparing a book and wanted a variety of samples. I love attention and free analysis so I emailed her and she agreed to take me on. I was to list my issues in a letter to her. So I listed my inability to find a date over decades and she gave me some advice about changing my handwriting to change my ways (I give mixed signals by all accounts.) I also need to emotionally feed myself more (have more fun I think).

I thought her analysis was good but then she started to tell me about people she knew who had ‘cured’ themselves of cancer. This happens quite often to me, of course, its natural enough and doesn’t usually bother me. However, this time it practically made me angry, there was no asking me what I had done to help with the cancer only telling me ‘you have to follow this persons routine” you have to follow that persons routine, and I got angry with her. Didn’t help though, so I wrote down about six telephone numbers of people that I probably won’t call and I cried down the phone, she took that as a need for us to pray – she led the prayer asking God to send me people to guide me (like her I expect she meant). I expect I over reacted completely but in a way I’m glad I got angry at her, well I guess it made things more entertaining for us both.

Today its late Saturday, tomorrow I am planning (if no pain) to go to the Community church. This is a local church right next door to KGGV, they pray for me each week — Beth the station manager attends the church and Pam Tinnen the pastor works at KGGV also, in fact I heard Pam had wanted to counsel me but was unsure whether to approach me with this directly or not. For sure now I know I need some severe counseling, at this point death is a REAL option and after four days solid of pain I have to read the writing on the wall. Anyway, my medicine man told me that I needed to join a church also (for my emotional health) so I will try this out. I do hope I feel healthy enough to go. Beth also spoke about getting me organized with a system that will help me out with driving etc. I cried again, this is 100% what I need right now and I don’t know how or who to ask for help. Beth called before the handwriting analysis so it wasn’t as a result of that particular prayer, but she was certainly sent by some higher power.